Thanks, Mom & Dad Tyler

I want to put out a Thank You to Mom & Dad Tyler. They have done so much for us over the years & I hope they know how much we really appreciate them. The latest: mom gave me a tablet she has had laying in a drawer at home. It might not seem like much to some, but it has reconnected me to my life (see previous blog: Smartphone Withdrawal). Mom & dad are such generous people (I won't embarrass them by naming other ways they've helped) & I want everyone to know it. We love you, mom & dad!

D.I. partnership interview tomorrow

Yesterday I was asked if I would be interested in a temporary partnership with an accounting firm in Smithfield. The job would basically be a Receptionist job. For those of you who don't know, the D.I. helps employees get experience through what they call partnerships: Employers call the D.I. and say that they need help with a certain job (sometimes it can lead to permanent employment, mostly not) and the D.I. recommends employees who need experience with said jobs. 

If I were to get this partnership, I would still officially be working for the D.I., but working at this accounting firm. It's a part-time job that would only last until the end of tax season, but would give me the official experience that I've not had. It would certainly look a lot better on my resume since the only job I've had that was similar was titled Customer Service Rep. All the other office-related jobs have been telephone or data entry jobs, or non-related with some experience using office skills.

Here comes the kicker: I have to interview for it tomorrow, and the other employee the D.I. recommended has been going to school in accounting! Talk about pressure! I know that I have a little bit of an edge because I have some experience and will be training in this area of work (i.e. Receptionist/Office Worker), but he has the edge because of his knowledge and training in accounting. Truth be told, I'm getting more and more nervous.

I know that I don't really have to be that nervous. I'm still working at the D.I., they're still going to help me get schooling in Office Administration Support, and my future doesn't hang on this job. However, I can't stop the anxiety. Right now, I wish I had some Kava Kava, lol.

Smartphone withdrawal

Now that it's gone, I am finding out just how much I used my smartphone. I'm going through withdrawal. So much of my nervous energy has returned. I can't seem to find enough things to do with my hands. I'm already tired of watching Netflix, reading, and crocheting. What did I used to do with my time to keep myself occupied?

I'm realizing how much my smartphone satisfied my OCD: everything is organized, easy to access, and can be found in a small little electronic device. I could read from my smartphone, look up phone numbers, watch videos, play games, make notes/reminders, have an alarm for anything I needed to remember (and my memory can be so bad that I had a lot of alarms, not just for waking up), keep track of my bills and finances, & so much more. I've started having more anxiety when I need to check my calendar, or use a calculator, or look up information of any kind, etc.

I've been a tech-enthusiast for awhile now. I wouldn't say a tech junkie, as I'm not obsessed with technology, but I have loved the convenience, simplicity, and efficiency of technology for a long time. I even used to have a PDA because of how convenient and efficient it was. Don't get me wrong, I love having a computer, too. However, I'm discovering that it's not convenient enough because it's a desktop and, therefore, not mobile (i.e., able to move around). It might be a little easier if I had a laptop that I could take with me, and I haven't had a chance (or the money) to use a tablet, but having everything available to me on a device that I can put into my pocket: that's efficiency to me.

I can't believe how much it's really bothering me. There are moments when I want to cry out of frustration, literally cry. Of all the things that being poor has deprived us of, I think this is affecting me more than almost anything else. Weird, isn't it? Even now, my leg is bouncing enthusiastically with too much nervous energy and because my anxiety is going up just writing about this. I think the only thing I can say now is, "Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!"

Church Talk today

Okay, today is the day that I speak in church. I can't tell you how nervous I am. I haven't spoken in church in over 9 years. There's always a part of me that feels that what I have to say isn't good enough. Of course, that's just my emotions taking control. My emotions feel a lot of things that my head says isn't true. It can get pretty confusing in my head sometimes. I'll just post it and leave it for you to decide. I hope you enjoy and get something useful from what I have to say.

As I started to research the Beatitudes, I realized that this is a subject that I've thought of a number of times without knowing it. Our world is becoming more and more selfish and too many people are thinking only of themselves. People tend to look down on the sick, the depressed, the poor, the meek, and those who try to live righteous lives. Sadly, they also look down on those who try to help others: the merciful, the peacemakers, the pure in heart. Even more sadly: I've seen it personally from friends and family, all members of this church; and I'm sure I've been guilty occasionally. It has become a bad thing to be overly-religious. We are expected to welcome sin with open arms; in fact, using the word “sin” is another reason others ridicule the righteous. As a result, it makes it so much harder to live righteously.

Matthew 5: 1-12 says:

2 And he opened his mouth, and taught them, saying,

 3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

 4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

 5 Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

 6 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.

 7 Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.

 8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

 9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

 10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

 11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.

12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

Matthew 5: 16 tells us:

16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

Our actions in this world should be about glorifying our Father in Heaven and our Lord Jesus Christ. This idea of being a light in a world of darkness was taught by Christ again when he visited the people of America. In 3 Nephi 12: 14-16, we read:

 14 Verily, verily, I say unto you, I give unto you to be the light of this people. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid.

 15 Behold, do men light a candle and put it under a bushel? Nay, but on a candlestick, and it giveth light to all that are in the house;

 16 Therefore let your light so shine before this people, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven.

In Matthew 5: 43-48 we read:

 43 ¶Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.

 44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

 45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

 46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?

 47 And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?

 48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

In the 1987 Ensign, Elder Robert E. Wells of the Quorum of the Seventy said:

It is inevitable that members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints find themselves looked upon with suspicion by many today. The prophets have said that in the last days persecution will come again. . . . The Beatitudes give us the formula for coming unto Christ. We can use them as a foundation as we seek for a Christ-centered life.

Going back to the first scriptures that I read, Matthew 5: 1-12, “Blessed are the poor in spirit . . . Blessed are they that mourn . . . Blessed are the meek . . . Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness . . . Blessed are the merciful . . . Blessed are the pure in heart . . . Blessed are the peacemakers . . . Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake.” Christ says it right there: “Blessed.” We will be blessed for living as Christ.

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we need to follow the teachings of Christ more than ever before. We need to be a shining light in this world of darkness, an example of what it means to be Christian. We need to learn to be tolerant of others, without accepting the sins of the world. As the saying goes: “Love the sinner, not the sin.” Don't give in to persecution by accepting the things we know are wrong, but don't turn your back on others, either; and certainly don't look down on those who aren't living the way we know to be right. Be a peacemaker, seek after righteousness, comfort those who mourn and are poor in spirit, and stand up for our beliefs, and we will be blessed.

Wow!

Again, Wow! It has been a LONG time since I wrote on our blog. I've been thinking that I might try to take it up again. Ha, ha, how long do you think that will last?

I have had a lot of negative comments on Facebook for sharing how I'm feeling. As I've thought about it, I realized that I've got another way to share my feelings with those I love, and they can choose to read it or not. So, I'm going to try to take up my blog again.

Tomorrow I have a talk in church. I will get the talk posted here tomorrow evening sometime.