Poetry

So today I was talking with Lee about how he wants to know how to work on his writing skills. I told him that it's all about just writing, even if you have a block. I told him that I have started writing this blog again as a way to write, even though I've been blocked for a long time. It got me thinking that some of you may not know that I was a poet. So, I will now practice writing while giving a little bit of my background.

Just before I entered Jr. High I spent a few weeks in the summer with my grandparents. I found a book of poetry and enjoyed reading it. It was simple poetry, easy for all to read and enjoy. Like most of us, I had thought poetry was boring and hard to understand, but these poems made sense. I thought to myself, "I can write like this." So for the rest of the summer, I practiced making simple rhymes. Most of the time they were silly and a little childish; but hey, I was just barely 12.

Over the next 2 years, I made up silly rhymes, but didn't really save any of them. I remember showing some of them to my mom and she thought that I had some talent; I think that's what kept me trying. When I entered 8th Grade, the school yearbook put out a competition for students to write a paragraph about the science classes and teachers. I decided to enter a silly poem. I didn't really think that I would win, so I was quite surprised when I did! My first published poem was in the San Rafael Jr. High 1989 Yearbook!

The next year I started learning a lot more about poetry and working more on my own. One day I wrote a great poem called "The Seasons Change". If I recall correctly, during the spring or summer of 1990 I found a poetry contest advertised in a magazine. My mom encouraged me to try to write something to submit and "The Seasons Change" was what I came up with. It was still pretty simple, but I had decided that I liked doing simple. I remembered how I felt when I read that book of poetry that was simple enough for me to read and understand when I was 12.

Once again, I didn't expect to win anything, so I was quite surprised when I got a certificate in the mail saying I had won an Honorable Mention! Not only that, but not long after, I received a packet in the mail saying that I had won what they called a "Golden Poet" award and that I was invited to a convention in Las Vegas to accept my award!

I won't go into my trip to Vegas right now. I'll leave that for another time. Needless to say, it really got things going for me. In school, I worked hard to learn new writing tips and techniques, and entered a few more contests. (I won another Honorable Mention and Golden Poet award for poetry, and placed in a school essay contest.) In the meantime, I wrote a lot of bad poetry.

Don't get me wrong, some of it was good. However, I was a teenager, going through normal teenager emotions, and my poems tended to reflect that. There were a lot of really sappy love poems about different guys that I liked. Still, it was writing, and it was practice. I'm kind of glad now that I didn't keep all of those poems.

As I became an adult, life intruded upon my poetry. In some ways it made it better; however, it also interfered with my writing. I started having more and more mental blocks, and more and more time went between poems. I'm sure that stress has had a lot to do with my blocks. It's so much harder to think clearly when life has you stressed out.

In college, I took a poetry class in the hopes that I could release some of that block. I did manage to come up with some decent poems for the class; but assigned poetry just didn't have the same meaning to me as what I had done before. Basically, it didn't really work to get rid of the block.

Over the years since then, I've written some very good poems. However, I can count them on my one hand.  It has been about 15 years since I've been able to write poetry regularly. Every so often, I really miss writing; now is one of those times.

I think that I'll look up some of my old poetry and post it one of these days. Hopefully it will help to inspire me.

Job Hunt Update

Just checking in with a simple update for the job hunt.

I put in an application at Lowe's and w/in a day I was told they were "going to go another direction." Oh well. If they don't want me, that's their loss.

I have been checking daily on several websites for new job postings, including Workforce Services, LDS Employment, & USU off campus job board. So far I haven't come across anything I qualify for.

We had several people suggest Conservice as a good place to work, so I looked up their Job Board and submitted a resume for 2 positions. Today I go in for an Assessment Test for the Office Manager position.

This job would be great. It's full time, M-F 8-5, $10/hr starting, w/ full benefits. I would be able to use my people skills, my organization skills, etc. I would have to quit the job @ the school and that does make me sad, but sometimes we have to make sacrifices.

I know that I would do very well as a Receptionist/Secretary, personal or office assistant, or other office-type job. I've tried over and over throughout the years and haven't been able to get anything.  I know I can do this job, I just hope that they feel the same way.

Lost my job

I thought that writing in this blog @ this time might be good for me for a number of reasons. First, I could work out my thoughts and emotions regarding the loss of my primary job. Second, it would be good practice for my keyboarding skills. Finally, it would be a good way to get back into the habit of writing again.

Now, about losing my job. I really don't want to go into a lot of detail about the reason for losing my job. After all, this is not a private blog. (If anyone wants details, I can tell you more in person.) Let's just say that it was a mistake that could have been bad, but thankfully wasn't. Unfortunately, it fell under company policy that I lose my job because of it.

For those of you who don't know or need a reminder, I work quite a lot with children and adults with disabilities.  The job that I currently still have is working w/ the Special Ed. class at the local Middle School.  The job that I just lost was working with adults w/ disabilities in their homes; sort of like a caregiver.  It's a little difficult for me to avoid forming attachments with the people that I work with. I am especially close with 3 guys that I used to be a Resident Manager for.

One of the things that keeps haunting me is how lucky I got that the mistake wasn't worse than it was.  I'm not really concerned about how it affected me, but how it would have affected one of my clients.  On the other hand, I am very grateful that it wasn't worse.  Still, it would be nice if I could stop obsessing over it.

One of the other things that is really bothering me is the feeling that I abandoned my 3 guys.  I keep thinking of all of the things that I used to do for them and now I'm not there to do it.  I am well aware that anyone is replaceable, and that they will find someone else to do the work I did, but I still wonder if they're getting the care they need.  I know that's silly.  They've had other staff in the past, and will have more in the future.  I think the best way to describe it is to say that in a small way, they are like my children and I feel like I abandoned them to someone else's care.

Finally, on a very selfish level, I feel like I let down my husband. While he is training for better employment, I was the primary bread-winner.  The job I just lost took away almost half of our income.  Of course, I still have my other job; but I am only allowed to work 3.5 hours/day due to budgetary issues w/ the School District.  That's less than 20 hours/week.  That doesn't really pay a lot.  It also doesn't help that it only pays once a month.

Right now I'm not really feeling very upbeat.  It's hard to be motivated enough to do the things that have to be done.  On the flip side, keeping busy with housework and filling out applications has at least kept my mind busy.  That won't really last long, unfortunately.

I want to end today with an update on the job search:
     Yesterday I filled out an application for Sam's Club.  Today I have filled out an application for Lowe's as a Cashier, and finished updating my information on Workforce Services, and LDS Employment.

Wish me luck!